god, why am i so obsessed with feelings?

like, the deep textures that create these ornate, beautiful portraits within yourself

this is the first time i have been able to listen to lcd soundsystem’s newest album since summer 2017

before now it was too painful

i have made it far enough away from the pain that i can listen to it without re-traumatizing myself

it is like a dull blade sawing at me, not quite enough to lacerate. not anymore.

but the memory of the wound, the scar…. it is eery seeing the blade rippling without the flesh ripping

it’s like watching a dude with an ak47 unloading magazine after magazine at you when you are on the other side of a thin — but effective — slide of bulletproof glass

still eery…. like it should shatter. i won’t be testing this too much

but it is nice to feel. or rather…. not feel

god damn washington, you’ve thrown me some fucking sucker punches

BUT I’M UNBREAKABLE

….bitch